Blog post #8: Eny, Meeny,Miny,Moe
I’m sure many of you remember the game when you were young—if you were picking between a few things--- you can play eny meeny miny moe to settle on your final selection. If only adult choices were that easy--- Gee, I didn’t know how good I had it when the most stressful choice I had was deciding on which Barbie doll I wanted for Christmas (Tough call between beach Barbie or Princess Barbie). While the corona quarantine has limited our choices currently, when we emerge from social isolation, we will once again be confronted with options that are demanded of us in grown up form--- Is it time to become a homeowner and which house to buy? Which person should I date? What investments to choose for retirement? As such it doesn’t hurt to equip ourselves with some good “choice hygiene”---at least according to the experts that is.
Too much of a good thing is a bad thing? Yes actually--- having 80 types of salad dressings, 50 types of toothpaste, and thousands of mates to choose from (thanks a lot Tinder) is actually harmful. Psychologist Barry Schwartz wrote a famous book called Paradox of Choice to illustrate this precise point—taking something as important as your retirement, for example--- people are less likely to participate when there are more choices--- eg when you offer 50 different mutual fund choices, 10% less people participate than when you have 5 choices. What the heck? Shouldn’t it be that people are delighted when they have more investment choices? Nope—what in fact happens is that the increased number of choices actually confuses people and they suffer from analysis paralysis so instead of deliberating between all 50 funds, they choose the path of least resistance—no choice at all! I know you must be thinking maybe that finance is a complicated subject and people might not have the investment savvy to do the research so the data maybe is skewed? Well not really—because that phenomenon has been proven over and over again in all sorts of situations--- like in the famous Jam study by professor Sheena Iyengar who studied people’s purchase behavior at a grocery store. When consumers were given 24 gourmet jam flavors, they were 1/10th less likely to purchase the jam when they were given only 6 flavors.
Buyers remorse: when it comes to the rampant consumerism society we live in, having regret post purchase (whether money was actually involved is irrelevant) is such a horrible feeling. Like I knew I should have gotten the violet cocktail dress not the baby pink….I should have gone to Paris instead of London…..I should have picked Jim instead of Paul to date…well you get the point. So what can lead to buyer’s remorse? Apparently having optionality-- Professor Daniel Gilbert from Harvard (ugh—they are such over-achievers) proved that out in a study—he assembled a group of students into a photography class where students took pictures of things/people that meant a lot to them—the students chose their 2 top favorites— and they can take one home while the other had to stay in the lab as evidence of the class. And here’s where the interesting part begins--Professor Gilbert then divided the students into 2 groups: group 1 was told if they changed their mind later, they can swap out their picture while group 2 was told their decision was final and can’t be changed. About a week later, the students were asked how much they liked their photo. The result was that group 2 liked their chosen photo much more than group 1 who had the option to change their mind. This is quite interesting—somehow when you have optionality—your mind second guesses your initial choice and makes you less happy—ugh what kind of jedi mind trick is this?
Expectations math: Let’s do some simple math (don’t worry, this won’t be freshman calculus)—just a simple equation: expectation-reality= happiness. What’s this got to do with choices you say? (I thought this blog post was about choices!) Well—a lot actually---having a lot of choices raises your expectations. When Henry Ford first made the model T car in 1909—he told consumers that you can have any color you want as long as it’s black. Whether it’s a car, a pair of jeans, or your future husband or wife--- when you have very limited choice, you know you need to temper your expectations and make do with what you have because the circumstances are so. Conversely, when you have the choice of color, automatic windows, 4 or 6 cylinder, leather seats, Sirius radio, etc--- well dammit this car better be perfect since I am able to customize it to my liking in a zillion different ways. As a result, when you are choosing among so many options and still can’t find perfection, somehow your mind says well it’s more your own fault (whereas you can chalk it up to circumstance when your choices are limited).
Taming your options: So what to do? Well, let’s all run off to a nunnery or monastery—that’s a sure-fire way to make sure we don’t have too many choices and live perennially with low expectations!
Ok just kidding--- but there is a way to limit choice so you’re not stuck with analysis paralysis. In the case of choices, apparently it’s better glass mostly empty instead of glass very full!
Picture this--It’s close to dinner time and I’m looking at a food ordering app (can you believe that I can choose from Seamless, UberEats, yelp, Doordash, and a few other options?) But the food-app isn’t where the real myriad of choices causes me headache—it’s all the restaurant choices--- am I feeling the mood for Thai, Mediterranean, Chinese, Mexican, Korean, Haiwaiian, etc etc? Then once I choose a type of cuisine, I peruse the menu of the myriad restaurants in that genre—by this point 40 minutes have gone by—and I’m starting to get hangry---so I quickly order a pad thai from the 2nd thai place. The food comes and it’s good but not great--- now I think: maybe I should have gone with the 1st Thai place or maybe pizza would have been a more satisfying choice tonight—and so there it goes. Well—one thing I can do is decide that Monday is Thai night and Tuesday is Pasta night--- so that you decide ahead of time to limit your options so you don’t waste time deliberating.
A similar phenomenon happens with dating in the modern world---For a fun read, check out the book Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. I know it can be so fun to swipe left/right (or does up/down swipes exist yet?) but it also leads people to have overly high (and often unrealistic) expectations. After all, with so many potential mates to choose from, the person I end up with better be my freakin soulmate—Mr. Right or Mrs. Right if you will. But ask yourself, are you perfect? Well, hopefully you are self-aware enough to know the answer is no. Therefore it’s unfair and unrealistic to demand that of others--- in this case—you can (and should) actually settle—for less than perfect. I could write a whole another post on just choices of dating in the modern world (and maybe I will) but for now—you should ask yourself are you seeking a unicorn? Because last time I checked, they only existed in fantasy novels!
I personally think there are 3 big choices in life that has a disproportionate impact on your well-being and happiness: what you’re going to do, where you’re going to do it, and who you’re going to do it with—in other words—your job, the city you choose to live, and who you choose to marry—most other things you can make the wrong choice and be fine—eg your Seamless choice for dinner wasn’t up to your expectations—well there’s always tomorrow. But for the big decisions—I do encourage you to consider how the paradox of choice impacts your happiness.
In the meantime, stay safe, stay sane, and treat yourself to some chocolate (for me it is Trader Joe’s 73% Super Dark with Almonds).
