As we (in bay area) near the end of our second week of quarantine and the news seems to have gone from bad to worst---and people are hearing personal stories of how awful the effects of the virus and friends and loved ones losing their jobs as a result of the havoc in the economy— this got me thinking --what is the actually the worst that can happen and are we prepared to face our worst fears (or do we even know what is our worst fear)?

Borrowing from the famous blogger and author Tim Ferriss---he encourages  people to use an exercise called “fear setting” (like goal-setting) to give shape to your worst nightmares and things to do about it. Apparently human beings always have a negativity bias (as in our default mode = glass half empty, which is just #sad if you ask me). Though it had great applicability in the hunter/gather days—eg if you weren’t pessimistic, you were probably eaten by a lion. I personally have an anxious personality and some days I worry—though not exactly sure what I’m worried about.

Enter—fear setting—eg you actually write down your fears (be specific)-- for example, if I break up with xyz, I will never find someone again, if I lose my job, I will need to move in with my parents, or if I go outside I might contract corona since I don’t know who has the disease.

The next two steps after you define your fears (yes similar to defining your goals) is to identify 1) what can you do to prevent the worst from happening (eg prevent) and 2) what can you do after it happens (eg repair).

Let’s take a personal example for me--- in the past, I think I've been trapped multiple times in relationships where my inner dialogue was well if I break up with this person, I would have wasted x months of my life and who knows if I will find someone as good. Were I to have known about fear setting then, this is what is might look like

My fear is as follows—I'll be alone if I leave xyz and won’t find someone better. What I can do to prevent that is 1) have better filters in the first place of who I date 2) set early check-ins at the 3 week mark for example so I don’t get stuck into the sunk cost fallacy or 3) invest in myself more so I feel strong enough to be alone.

What can I do once it actually happens? Well, what not to do is to drink every night to drown out the noise (in my head that is). I usually polish off more than my fair share of wine after breakups. My fear-setting list today would go something like this—should I find myself alone again, I should be-- 1) reaching out to close friends for support 2) taking on a brand new hobby (eg blogging) 3) cooking  a real meal even if just for myself (I usually hate cooking for just one)—- and below is the first steak dinner i’ve made for myself—see people can change!

In any case, the point of the exercise is for you to given some definition to your so called worst nightmares  (instead of them just being nebulous fears) and for you to understand that there are things (all within your control) you can do beforehand and afterwards to help the situation.

I’d even encourage you to take it one step further than just “fear setting”... a worse than my fear scenario setting--- ask yourself what could be worse than your worst fear--- it can give perspective that things can always be worse and some other bloke (other than yourself could be living that life). Eg you fear you could get laid off this month--- how can things be worse? Well, it could be--- you start the day—get pooped on by bird, a homeless man steals your $15 salad lunch, and then you get laid off because of the bad economy. Purely hypothetical of course, but still possible.....

Nevertheless, here is your challenge (should you choose to accept)--- actually go thru the exercise (I know it’s a bit of work), but once you write them down--- you may realize your fears are less scary than you initially realized. To end, here’s a quote from Seneca-- “we suffer more in imagination than in reality.” Don’t be that person that only suffers in your head.

In the meantime, stay healthy, stay connected, and eat carbs (you’ve earned it).