Blog post #10: Using History as a Guide

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reading and hearing: that now is a good time to reflect (though I argue that you should be reflecting in good times and bad and on a regular basis---irrespective of whether a super bug has you trapped at home)—but if you aren’t the introspective type, now could be a good time to start. Today—let’s reflect on the past---specifically, extremely challenging or difficult times that either you or others before have encountered, the darkness they’ve had to face, and the path they took to come out of it—why you say?! Well, as a potential guide to solve your current burning problems (for most it maybe quarantine or corona related but it will be useful when this is all over too, I promise).

 I don’t know anything about the Spanish flu or bubonic plague so I won’t even try to pontificate on those----- I do think that when you find yourself between a rock and a hard place, that either you or others before you have dealt with it before. As said more eloquently by Ray Dalio, who runs Bridgewater (the world’s largest hedge fund): “often things come as a surprise because it’s never happened in one’s lifetime…like people have a new child and they treat it as though that’s the first time anybody’s had a child.” To be fair--- I think parenting is no joke hard work! However, I think he’s very right in asking people to take a step back--- the chances of you being the first person in human history to encounter a specific problem is likely very slim.

Oftentimes when someone encounters a difficult problem (yours truly is so guilty of this too), our first instinct is to just freeze—because it seems so daunting—but  knowing that others have survived challenging times can give you the confidence and courage to face up to the current environment as well. I can give a personal example ---and in my case, I didn’t even have to look outside my lifetime to see that I was on a path well traveled---it just seemed scary at the time.

In my late 20’s I went through a delayed quarter life crisis – it may sound trivial to those who’ve not been through it but I can say personally that feeling like you have no purpose is truly an awful feeling. I was living in Atlanta, GA and working at a respectable firm, was well paid relative to others my age, had a great apartment and all in all, living a good life by objective standards. But my life felt like it like no actual life and vibrancy. While my job was well paying and I had good managers (thankfully)—I felt my learning curve had flattened at work and the city I spent most of my adult life in no longer felt like my city—friends were moving on with their lives (family, kids) or just moving to different cities and I—who had spent a good part of the last few years clubbing and late night lounging felt I needed something different---but had no idea what! I thought I needed a location change—and NYC sounded like a great option (afterall, who doesn’t want the Sex & City life? Also—not sure why everyone wants to be Carrie—when I take a step back, her head is messed up in so many ways—but I digress…).

I then started applying for a lot of positions in NYC (most of which weren’t things I really wanted to do or the right career move)--- but in short, I was just throwing spaghetti against the wall to see what sticks. As with any not well thought out plan, nothing was really panning out. Perhaps my desperation was noticeable to those on the other side of the interview table as well (as the saying goes, don’t let desperate situations cause you to do desperate things)—a few times, I got very close to the end of the interview process and for one reason or another—sorry we can’t move forward! In short—I felt trapped –and it was a feeling of both emptiness and helplessness—and it was paralyzing my ability to figure out my next move.

That winter, I was home at my parents for the holidays—being the social butterflies that they are, they threw a holiday dinner party. (as an aside, during thanksgiving, Christmas, Chinese New Years, etc the number of dinner parties my folks throw and the number they are invited to is just insane—kudos mom and dad!). Just so happens that one of the dinner guests—a son of a family friend was home from UCLA’s Anderson business school. After hearing about his experience, the people he had met, and his and others’ rationale for choosing to take a break from life aka—the working world for 2 years (and forego 2 years of income and pay a hefty price tag), I knew the timing was right to take that step as well.  In hindsight, the fact that business school didn’t occur to me as an options seems so odd. So many of my undergrad classmates eventually went off to business school—most seemed to have carefully plotted that route for several years leading up to it. Turns out—business school is a common outlet for those needing both a break from life and/or a career pivot. As an extra aside, the gentlemen whom I talked to about business school was a romantic set-up by my folks—they clearly had hopes for me that didn’t quite involve moving to another city for business school. For those who want to know how the story ends—well, I prepped for almost a year to get a shiny application package together and researched all the schools—fell in love with Berkeley’s business school—and the rest is history! (Also—I didn’t marry the gentleman of course—but very grateful I met him nevertheless.

Speaking of history---As said by R.G. Collingwood—“History is for human self-knowledge.” The next time, you feel trapped, helpless, or in general unsure of how to get face up to a difficult decision—try asking yourself---is this the first time this has ever happened to myself or others (there’s a 99.9% chance the answer is no—why not 100%?—just in case you see a unicorn!). I know I know, this also means we’re not each our own unique snowflake. That’s the bad news and the good news too—it means we’re not alone in this—and there is a playbook—and you just have to go out and find it. May the force be with you all!

In the meantime, still treat yourself---my indulgence this weekend was a NY strip steak with a Napa Cabernet from Maxville winery.